My Parents Don’t Have a Will!

5 Tips for Starting the Conversation

It’s a common source of anxiety for children of aging parents. “My parents don’t have a will! What if something happens?” However, many avoid “the talk” about estate planning indefinitely because they worry it will turn awkward or explosive.

Avoidance helps no one. Clarity is kindness, and having this crucial conversation is a win-win-win—for you, your parents and all the people they love.

Here are five tips to help you get started.

1. Lead by example. Do you have a will? If not, it’s time to get one! Not only does this bolster your credibility on the topic, but it also provides opportunities to discuss your experience with your parents.
2. Choose the right moment. This is a sacred conversation that deserves patience, warmth and focus. Select a time and location void of stress and distractions, a place where your parents will feel safe and comfortable, and where you can truly listen.
3. Focus on your why. Assure your parents it’s not about the distributions. Why does this matter to you? Share that you want to honor their wishes, but you don’t know how to without clear instructions or the authority to do so. Explain how completing their will prevents chaos and heartache at a time when the family will be stressed and grieving. Talk about excessive costs and delays that happen when the legal system is left to determine who gets what.
4. Address the felt needs. Perhaps it’s too difficult to initiate a conversation about eternity. If so, that’s okay! Start by discussing the more immediate needs, such as power of attorney documents related to healthcare and finances. Later, you can address the bigger picture. For example, “Mom, you have that surgery coming up soon. I was wondering, who would you want to make medical decisions if you were unable to make them for yourself? Does that person know what you’d want in case of an emergency? We should get that all in writing.” Once you have this “foot in the door,” you can suggest getting all their legal documents drawn up at once to save them time and money.
5. Provide an action plan. Identify clear next steps and offer to assist them. For example, “How can I help you? We had a great experience with the guy who drafted our plan. Would you like me to call for you?” Don’t be offended if they want to proceed without you; it may feel too private to rely on one of their children. Reiterate that you’re always willing to help if they get stuck or something changes.

Starting the conversation may feel clunky, so give yourself grace to do it imperfectly. Pray, prepare, and then proceed into courageous conversation. Some things are just too critical to put off. Helping your parents land on a plan is certainly one of them.

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This content is written as part of Generosity Today (2026, Issue 1).