Conflict of Wills

5 Tips for Finding Common Ground with Your Spouse

Planning for the future is easy for married couples who never disagree.

For the other 99 percent of couples who sometimes view things differently (and the other 1% keeping their squabbles secret…wink, wink), there’s potential room for conflict.

If talking about your estate plan creates friction between you and your spouse, here are a few tips to get on the same page.

1. Put away your boxing gloves. Don’t treat estate planning decisions as battles to be won or lost. Come to the conversation prayed up and determined to find common ground.

2. Acknowledge the struggle. Talking about the “ifs” and “whens” of the future is difficult and likely very emotional. Acknowledge this challenge from the get-go; commit to listening and honoring one another.

3. Discuss shared values. You have faith and values that have become the bedrock of your marriage. Take a step back from the expected distribution plan. What do you really want to accomplish and model to your loved ones through your plan?

4. Identify areas of difference or concern. Where do you see things differently? More importantly, why? Listen carefully to one another with the intent to understand.

5. Explore creative solutions. Look for planning solutions that support your shared values and help you achieve your ultimate goals.

Many couples find it helpful to enlist the help of a trusted ally to guide them through these difficult conversations. Experienced planners have waded in these deep waters many times before, and they can help you identify creative solutions to move forward.

Through Barnabas Foundation, you have access to this kind of trusted planning support. At no cost to you, you can speak with someone who not only understands the tax-wise options available, but who also approaches planning from a values-driven, God-honoring perspective.